Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Jessica is 19 years old today



Jessica is 19 years old today. She was the most beautiful baby. She was smart and perfect. When she was 18 months old she lost her coordination, and her language. It was devastating. We spent years going from one Dr to another. No one could tells what had happened. How could a " normal" child lose her skills? It took 6 years to finally hear the words autism. And all our hopes, and dreams were destroyed. If it's true that God holds our tears in a cup of remembrance, he holds an ocean of tears for me. The loss was awful. Sometimes it still is. Last night Jess was so excited about her birthday, she could not sleep. She stayed awake until 3:30am, and woke again at 6am. I'm finding it hard to function on 3 hours of sleep. But I want to say this...
When Jess lost her voice, and we felt the loss of all "normal" hopes and dreams it was hard. I sat for years in a pile of broken dreams. The edges were sharp, and it cut deep to the heart. But after awhile you stop crying over what you had hoped would be. You start appreciating the pieces of what is there. Jessica's life is like a mosaic. She has soulful eyes, deep compassion, a large ability to understand character, humor, and sweetness. She is a broken person. Autism has broken her. It's robbed her of her voice. We only get to read glimpses of the complex thoughts she thinks. Often we are shut out all together. But she is lovely...all the pieces put together are lovely. In the book of 1 Corinthians 13 (talking about knowing God) it say “12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” What I see of my daughter is so beautiful, and I know I will be unable to speak one day because one day I will see her whole. This is my hope. Happy birthday my beautiful girl. I love you so much!

7 comments:

Jill W said...

Birthday wishes from Wisconsin for you, Jessica!!

Suz said...

Happy Birthday to Jessica and to Amy too! Sending lots of love, Suzanne

RamblingMother said...

Beautiful reminder for all of us broken people. Love your words for your daughter. Happy Birthday.

Rick Moreno said...

Jess, you are so precious and such a gift to all who know you. Blessings to you today, You have consistantly been to me. Enjoy! I Love You!

Shelley said...

Happy birthday Jessica a lovely girl. Pray your birthday will be special.

caring for the garden said...

Today is Jessica's 19th birthday. It is typical to receive gifts on your birthday. But for our family Jess is the gift, a gift from God. A gift that really does keep on giving. Jess has taught, and keeps on teaching us the real meaning of love without expecting anything in return, hope without boundaries, and that words are not required to express ideas.

Happy birthday Jess. Grandpa and I love you more than we could ever just say through the written or spoken word. We love you deeply from our inner most being. You tuely are a gift from God. May He bless you and keep you always.

The Montieth Family said...

Dear Jessica & Amy~

Happy Birthday to you Jessica! I hope that you enjoyed your special day...it sounds like you were quite excited. :)

And Amy, I think that you are an amazing Mom! Both you and Jessica give me so much hope.

Best Wishes, Megan & Family