Tuesday, May 24, 2016

please pray for me.

I'm waiting for the last load of laundry to dry. I'm packed and will fly to Seattle in the morning. I rent a car and drive directly to Oregon to say goodbye to my dad. My mom says he is holding on to see me. No pressure. My phone does not work in America, so I have no idea if I’ll make it in time. Philip will be traveling with me to keep me awake. I think we will stop and eat sugar. Pie and ice cream, milk shakes. It really does not matter. I try not to eat a lot of sugar these days, but this is not a day to do without chocolate. I could use prayer. I am starting to fall apart. I cannot stop crying. I have tried to hold it together, but it is not working anymore. At least I don’t need to fly the airplane. I need Gods help and grace.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

going home

· It is Sunday morning. It looks beautiful outside. I have not had much sleep. My dad is fading. I am booking a flight home. It will be my 3rd trip this year. This is not the only difficulty in my life at the moment. But I always tell others, “If you do not like the view, get in the car and keep driving”. And so I will continue until I am at a better place in life. A place with less sadness, loss and worry. But God is in the car with me. In fact I’m letting him take the wheel for now. I cannot control these circumstances. But He is good, and I can trust him to lead us well. I will probably travel on Wednesday. Please pray for my Mom, my sisters and my brother. Pray for all those who love my dad. It is never easy to say goodbye.

Monday, May 16, 2016


Just ordered √Ątznatron Natriumhydroxid NaOH from Amazon. This is Lye you need to make soap. I have never made homemade soap before. I would like to teach a workshop on soap making in July, so I thought I would practice it a few times. I want to start with a basic olive oil soap, then do a goat’s milk and honey soap. Maybe I'll use Lavender or roses? When you make soap, you use lye with some kind of liquid. It could be pure water, or milk, or juice. And you stir the lye with the liquid until it is completely dissolved. You need to do this outside with glasses and gloves for protection. If you do not want the milk to turn brown, you need to freeze it first, and slowly add the lye. Lye makes things get very hot. If milk gets too hot, it changes color and smells. I’ve been watching how to videos on YouTube. You can learn so much from YouTube. Every soap also needs fat. You can use olive oil or coconut oil for example. You mix your lye and liquid mixer, then you add it slowly to your fat. And you use a hand mixer to blend this together until it looks like pudding. Then you can add color or essential oils. And you add it to molds. It must set 24 hours. Then you take it from the molds and let it cure for 4 weeks. You need to follow recipes. Every kind of soap requires a different kind of measurement of the fats to liquid. I have never done it, but I’ll try it this week. And we will see if it is as easy as it seems.

The Giant Schnauzer ( Riesenschnauzer)

we are getting a puppy.

She is a pedigree giant Schnauzer. Her name is Amelia Lucy. Amelia is her given pedigree name. We will call her Lucy. She is only two weeks old and lives near Prag in the Czech Republic. We will go pick her up when she is 4 months old. In the mean time she is bonding with her mom and getting good training. Her parents are both European dog champions. She has been breed for good character and temperament. I will train her to be a service dog for Jessica. Lucy needs to be walked. She should be a good fitness trainer for me. They live longer than most large dogs. God willing we will have her between 12 and 14 years. Mickey was almost 14 when he died. He was a standard Schnauzer. Mickey was taken too early from his mother and not socialized well. We got him from a truck driver when he was 6 months old. We think Mickey came from a puppy mill. His character was not stable, but we did love him. He was very loyal to our direct family. There were parts of Mickey’s character we did not like, but parts of his character we loved. I guess that is why we wanted a bigger, calmer version of Mickey. Lucy will be a giant Mickey.

Monday, May 09, 2016

good dog

I’m waking up to an empty house. Mickey was a difficult animal. We bought him from a truck driver when he was 6 months old. He was most likely from a puppy mill in Eastern Europe. Taken too early from his mother, and left alone too often. Mickey was wonderful with our family, but could never accept strangers. Even when he saw a person for the 100th time, he would bark. You could never get him to stop barking. So he earned himself a trip to a time out in the basement, or my bedroom. But two of our neighbors had their houses robbed. I’m sure Mickey has chased away a few buglers. When Sarah first came home from China, she had RAD (reactive attachment disorder). The nannies in her orphanage were abusive. They would tie her to her bed at night to prevent her from getting up, and punish her harshly when she got into things. And they called the nannies mama. So when they told Sarah she would have a new mama, she was afraid of me. And she would not fall asleep around me unless Mickey was there to watch over her. And in her orphanage they has beautiful playground equipment. It was perfect because it was never used. Sarah would trip everywhere because she was never allowed to go outside and run. But every day I would take her on two Mickey walks. “Mickey walk “was her very first English words. And her little 4 year old legs grew very strong, very fast. And within no time, she became healthy. Now she plays soccer on a team. Mickey played a big role in her recovery and adjustment. Jessica (my 24 year old autistic daughter) loved Mickey. She would chase him around the house with towels. And she would throw the towels over him. He would allow this game. And Jessica can say very few words. But one of her words is eyes. And she would be fascinated by Mickey’s eyes. Any time Mickey was near her, you would hear Jess say “eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes”. Even two days ago Jessica spent about 20 minutes on the floor with Mickey. Yesterday Jessica sat next to me, holding my hand for about one hour. She could tell I was sad. I think she understands why. Today I emailed a breeder of Giant Schnauzers. They are the owner of the German national champion dog. And they have 6 puppies. I do not know if they would consider our family to raise one of their dogs? But Giant schnauzers are very good therapy dogs. And I want to get another companion for Jessica. This time I want a dog that is allowed to stay with its mother for a good long time. One that is socialized well, and that we take to dog school right from the start. I’m sure the owner of these puppies will be very picky about who gets their dogs. We will not be showing the dog, so they probably will not consider us. But I asked. I would like a dog towards the end of August, after our vacation. So I have time to look around and be picky. I hope the next dog will be with us another 14 years. I really loved Mickey. He was crazy and loud and very loyal. He was a gift to our family. He is already missed.