Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Being Asian in Germany

Philip has been a little mean lately. Today he broke down crying. It seems some older boys at school have been teasing him about being Asian. It makes him feel afraid and sad. We love Asians, and are proud of his dark hair and tan skin. It's so sad some stupid people (and I mean stupid in the real meaning...uneducated) don't accept people that are different from them. The sad thing is this is coming mostly from Turkish boys. They probably feel prejudice, and they are inflicting the meanness they have received on someone else. Thomas gets it too. Some how we need to teach our kids not to be mean in return! This kind of stuff can not continue with them. We try to teach them to treat others the way they want to be treated.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Farm Heros by Nicole Heymann

http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/09/23/pkg.nintendo.grannies.cnn

Up date on Juergen's mom

Juergen had a good visit with his parents this weekend. His mom is home from the hospital. She has a broken hip, and is confined to bed 24 hours a day. A special care taker comes a few times a day to move her in her bed so she doesn't develop bed sores. She is drugged heavily so it's not really clear how effected she is by the brain tumors. Some times she seems very clear thinking, and other times very out of it. Everyone around her are treating this very seriously. They all feel like this is the end of her life. Juergen and I both know that this is probably true, but we feel compelled to keep praying for her healing. Waldtrud also told Juergen that she is not afraid to die, but does not want to go yet. I hear other stuff I believe is from God, but I don't feel at liberty to write it down yet. Please just pray for the favor of God to rest on Juergens family. If she dies she is with God but we will feel a great loss. I still pray God will give her 20 more years. I need her wisdom, and prayers.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

retired from competitive eating


Here is a story on CNN about the world champion Burrito eater. 'Eater X' after 12 pounds of burritos: 'I love Mexican'. I love Mexican too...but 12 pounds of anything in my stomach would kill me, not to mention the gas it would give you!

need a little help?

Friday, September 21, 2007

The favor of God


I was praying again this morning about Juergen's mom. I just didn't know what I should pray. Then I felt like I should pray for the favor of God. I'm not sure if favor is really something tangible. You either have it or you do not. When Juergen went to Africa with Reinhard Bonnke he traveled on the same airplane, eat lunch with Bonnke and sat on the platform with him too. He was in the favor of this great man. Thousands upon thousands of people were attending the meetings, but Juergen was in a favored position. This is the best example I have. We do not always have favor, but it is amazing when we experience it. I felt like I should pray for the favor of God to cover Juergens parents, brother and sisters like a heavy blanket. I do not know exactly what will happen now, but when we look back on this period of time I hope we will remember it as a time of great favor.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

need prayer

Juergen is going to see his mom this weekend (God willing). You know we have been praying allot for her to be healed. She seems to be getting worse. She is home from the hospital (she fell and broke her hip). She basically can not sit up, walk, feed herself, or even talk on the phone right now. It is difficult to understand when we should give up praying for healing and just accept death. Everyone deals with this kind of stuff differently. Her 70TH birthday party was kind of strange.Everyone was so sad, as if she had already died. I guess they just want some peace. Hope can some times be painful...acceptance can bring peace. But I don't want to accept this, at least not yet. I will not fail to love God if she dies, but I won't stop asking for her life while she still has life. I think it will be a very hard weekend. I'll be here with the kids. Sarah will probably be really sad and insecure having her Papa gone. Juergen will also be very sad. Please pray for him. Please also pray for Juergen's mom. I will accept God's will, but Jesus told us to pray for what we will!

Class government

Nicole just got elected as the class speaker for the environment. She has to go to the school meetings and report to the class about recycling etc...Her Grandma is an environmental scientist. I guess you could say it runs in her family!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I believe in God very much


Juergen talked with Jessica's teacher on the phone tonight. There is a new autistic boy in her class. He also writes. During one of the lessons Jessica wrote that she thought the lesson was boring, and she wanted to leave. Jessica's teacher read this out loud. The autistic boy wrote that he agreed with Jessica! During a religion class the autistic boy wrote, why must we take this stuff? I do not believe in God (this isn't a quote...it is what Juergen recalls from the phone conversation). Jessica then wrote, I believe very much in God. They then asked Jessica what she would like to learn. She said more about Jesus. Then they asked her about what she already knew. She said she knew the story of his birth, and the doubling of the fish. Cute! I'm so proud of my girl!

just like Mr Bean



Sunday, September 16, 2007

Planting seeds

Yesterday Nicole and I went to the CFAN conference. We got stuck in very heavy traffic and had a hard time parking the car. There was a big soccer match next to the conference. We ended up missing allot of it. We also had to walk a mile from the parking structure. The evening service was very blessed. I remember one story Bonnke told, it was really good.A women had a prized table. It was a perfectly restored antique . It was her pride and joy. One day her son took a car battery apart on the table. Battery acid ruined the surface of the table. She was devastated. A few days later she had a birthday party. She took a table cloth and placed it over the spot where the stain was. No one at the party noticed the stain. They all complimented her on her beautiful table! He then said everyone has a stain on their table. We may cover it up with a table cloth, but it's there. God can see under our table cloth! He can make us new. Over 600 people came forward to receive the salvation of Christ. It was beautiful to witness.
Today our whole family went to the conference. It was a sacrifice for Nicole. She wanted to go to her youth group. Juergen also wanted to play guitar tonight at church. He missed that. I just wanted to bring Jessica one more time for prayer. Philip, Thomas and Sarah stayed at the kids service. The boys said it was boring. Sarah actually loved it. Jessica stayed in the entire service. It was kind of loud. This was a little hard for Jessica. In the end nearly 3000 or more people went forward for prayer. On the one hand it was wonderful so many went forward. They all wanted a special touch from God. The crowd was too much. We could not bring Jessica forward. So we went home a little disappointed. We got stuck in traffic on the way home. Juergen hoped to play guitar, but could not. He also got a call from his dad while at the conference. His mom is doing really bad. Juergen plans to visit her next weekend. Some times you just wonder what is going on. You trust in God, you come hoping to see more...but you go home with out seeing your prayers answered. I heard a sermon recently. The speaker cried out to God. "Why God"!!! "I must know why"!!! Finally they realized they did not need to know why. They only needed to know that they trust God. For me the weekend was an act of faithful obedience. I loved Friday and Saturday. Today was kind of stressful because I felt like I was dragging my whole family along just because I wanted to be there. But I felt like I was suppose to be there. Sometimes obedience is just sowing the seeds for something we don't see yet.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

A CNN video about terrorists in Germany

Germany looks at Islamic Turks This is a CNN video about terrorists in Germany

The Fire Conference

Nicole and I were late getting to the conference last night. The traffic was so heavy and there was allot of road construction. We had a really great time in the car together. Nicole is getting very funny. She kept me laughing with her observations from high school. Nicole is basically a nerd. No make up, and not a fashion queen. She has a heart of gold and cares about what really matters. Lucky for her she was born beautiful. She doesn't really need any makeup(in my opinion). I have no objection to make up. Some girls at this age cake it on. You can easily see they don't like them selves. They try to hide behind a mask. Nicole also had some funny stuff to say about the latest fashion trends. The girls are wearing cloths that look two sizes too small. They are also into short skirts, and bright colors. Nicole said the small girls look like Santa's elves, and the bigger girls look like they have forgotten their own size (meaning the cloths make them look fat).
It was really wonderful to hear Bonnke preach last night. There were maybe 3000 people there. Many of the people around us were from Africa. Nicole fell in love with a cute 10 month old African boy sitting in front of us. He wanted Nicole to hold him. He liked her long hair! The message was about the God who seeks for us. In every other religion, man seeks God. In Christianity it was God who came to seek and save the lost. It was an awesome sermon. More then 100, maybe even 200 people came forward to accept Christ as their Savior. Then He called people who were sick to come forward for prayer. Nicole and I came forward to pray for Jessica and Juergens mom. I think 500 people must have come forward. I prayed for Waltrud, and Nicole prayed for Jessica. It was a blessed time of prayer. I would love to report to you they are both healed. I hope some day I can do that! I can tell you it feels good to bring our needs to God and just trust him with the out come. I do trust him. I also believe He heals, so I will keep asking. We go again this afternoon. We are missing the morning service because Juergen needs to get some things done. That's OK because I don't think I have the energy to stay from early morning to midnight. I'm just so blessed to go at all. It really is good! It makes me want to go to Africa! Maybe someday I will!

Friday, September 14, 2007

God is a good provider

I just read This Story on one of my favorite adoption blogs. It's about God providing a new roof for a family who just adopted their 10TH child. I love how God cares about our detailed needs!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Fire Conference 2007 in Stuttgart


This weekend Reinhard Bonnke will be in Stuttgart. I hope to be there too, at least part of the time. I'm not generally a fan of loud evangelists. I generally like the style of a funny teacher. I was driving my car one day about 5 years ago. I got a very clear word from God. He said, "you need an Elijah to pray for Jessica". I got home, and I had an e-mail from a man in America named Richard Shaka. He and his wife are both from Serra Leon West Africa. They were going to stay with us that summer. Ricard asked me if I knew Bonnke. He had met him once in Africa and wanted to see him again. Bonnke lives in America but is German. I had seen Bonnke speak once in San Diego but didn't really know him. I looked him up on the Internet. That day there was a testimony on his website. He had gone to a village in Africa. He was brought to a school for the deaf. There were 70 deaf kids in the school. Bonnke prayed, and all 70 kids were healed so they closed the school. I said, that must be my Elijah. Juergen and I went to Vienna the next weekend to have Bonnke pray for Jessica. About two years ago, Juergen went to Africa and spent a whole week with him. He eat lunch with him everyday for a week. Juergen said he is the most humble man. He is so on fire when he preaches, but other wise very soft spoken and humble. I hope to be able to see him preach. I don't really have any strong expectations. He is not Jesus. I do believe he is very gifted. He has already laid hands on Jessica. Jessica is still sick. He even called us on the phone and prayed for Jessica. I was very honored this very busy "important" man of God took the time to call us and pray. I believe it is God who heals. God does heal...I do believe this. I don't know what to believe about Jessica's healing. I'm not even sure I have the courage to ask again. I just know I want to be there, and maybe God will give me the courage to ask again?

WET PANTS


This was sent to me by my aunt Pat. Its a great story. I wet my pants when I was in the 2ND grade. I wish someone had saved me!


Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is
a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a
sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the
front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is
going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how
this has happened. It's never happened before, and he
knows that when the boys find out he will never hear
the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never
speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy
believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head
down and prays this prayer,
"Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five
minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the
teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been
discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a
classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that
is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the
teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in
the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is
saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of
ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The
teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts
to put on while his pants dry out.
All the other children are on their hands and knees
cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is
wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule
that should have been his has been transferred to
someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell
her to get out. “You've done enough, you klutz!"
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting
for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers,
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are
always around us to do good.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

new scrap book pages






9 /11


I was in Germany on 9/11. I turned on CNN to watch the afternoon news when I heard the report about the first plane hitting the world trade center. They thought it was some kind of terrible accident. I saw the 2ND plane hit the WTC live on CNN. It felt like the beginning of the end of the world. I called Juergen on the phone. He was in a meeting. They stopped the meeting. Everything stopped. None of us could believe this was happening. How could this happen? We wondered if we could ever feel safe again. I watched the news nearly every minute of the day. I found myself waking at 3am to watch the news, as if something new was going to happen. Finally we just pulled the plug on our TV. We turned the TV off for two years. I red my news on the computer once a day. The whole thing was making me crazy. I was very sad, but I needed to keep on living. I did not die on 9/11...
They just arrested some terrorist in Germany. Who knows, perhaps we now live in the new ground zero? I hope not, but is any place safe after that awful September day? We can not live in fear. Fear only robs us of our peace. It steals our lives from us. God knows the number of my days. He will be the one who controls my future.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Nicole and Thomas went back to school today.Juergen tried to get Thomas a place in the International school, but no chance! He is back in his old class. He has a real problem with German comprehension. He can read and write German, but doesn't understand what he reads. I'm not really sure what we can do to help him improve. I think he will need extra help. I guess we will have to seek that help out ourselves. Philip will not begin school until later in the week. Juergen talked with the school director, and will bring Philip to his new school Wednesday, or Thursday. Jessica begins school on Thursday. Sarah says she also wants to go to school. We will look for a kindergarten place , but I don't think she can go until January. She has been really moody today. The transition is pretty hard on her. It's hard on me too. Normal seems a long way away. We will get there! At this point I wouldn't mind sending Sarah to kindergarten. I would love to have my mornings back. I never seem to have the time to catch up on anything. I am lost somewhere in the mess, and maybe if Sarah goes to kindergarten I'll have the time to find myself again!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

It's been an emotional weekend. I guess I'm talking to my self, trying to calmly understand what I really believe about death and dying. Trying to prepare myself for the loss of Juergens mom. She has told me before her desires. I don't think she would want to be confined to her bed, unable to care for herself. I think about what she wants...not what I want. But what I want is not to lose her...and the emotions often over take the logic. I find myself crying. I am trying to be brave...but I'm not so brave. The reality is she is getting worse. The tumors have grown very large. She can no longer walk.I'm grateful she can still think and talk, but for how long?
The kids begin school tomorrow. Juergen has gone with the boys to show them their new schools. Philip must go to the "special" school for kids with learning problems. I tried so hard to keep him in the normal school system. I would home school him if I was allowed to. My hands are tied. I've prayed allot about this. I am trusting God closed every door for a reason. I have to believe this is the way God has for Philip. I realize he is afraid...and so am I. I just pray God plants him in the perfect environment for Philip. That he will grow strong in this new school. It is the only option left to us, and I have to believe it is Gods will.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Welcome to Holland

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a
fabulous vacation to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make
your wonderful plans.
The Coliseum.
The Michelangelo David.
The gondolas in Venice.
You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.
You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later,
the plane lands. The stewardess comes on and says,
"Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland??
I am supposed to go to Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy!
All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy!"

But there's been a change in the flight plan.
They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a
horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and
disease.
It's just a different place.

So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks.
And you must learn a whole new language.
And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have
met.

It's just a different place.
It's slower-paced than Italy.
Less flashy than Italy.
But after you've been there a while
and you catch your breath,
you look around....

And you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...
and Holland has tulips.
Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...
and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.
And for the rest of your life, you will say,
"Yes, that is where I was supposed to go.
That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...
because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But...
If you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy,
you may never be free to enjoy the very special,
the very lovely things...
about Holland.

Jessica is my Holland

Juergen's mom

Juergen's mom fell again today. She broke her hip again. She is in the hospital. Please pray for her because she has allot of pain. Juergen called his parents when we returned from Holland last night. They told him they had talked with Waltruds doctors. They don't plan on doing more surgery on her brain. Unless God steps in, she is dying. She will not be able to walk again, or even stand again. The tumors have paralyzed her legs. I've talked to her about it, and I know she does not want to live a long life unable to move. She believes in God. She does not really fear death. I think being totally disabled is a greater fear to her. Juergens dad Richard has carried such a heavy load caring for Waltrud. He is also really feeling the effects of his own age. He is 79 years old. He has to write everything down because his memory is failing. It's difficult to tell if it's the stress causing the memory problems, or something more serious. I just want prayer for Gods grace and peace, as well as a lack of pain. I really can not tell if I should pray for healing or a quick painless death? We all must die. I would wish for many more years with Juergens parents. It seems they have been robbed...or more we have been robbed of them. I do not want to see them suffer. I would much rather see them go.

Jessica is 16 and very sweet


I remember when Jessica was born. I guess when you have a baby you can only imagine their lives as being good. It has been good, but it's also been very hard. I'm grateful God doesn't generally tell us what the future holds. Most of us, including myself could never carry the weight of tomorrow. I can hardly believe Juergen and I handle Jessica's autism the way that we do. I've never had a conversation with Jessica, not once in 16 years. For me this is the deepest loss that I feel in my life. I think being able to talk with her makes me look forward to heaven even more. Today I took Jessica shopping. She knew ahead of time this would be her birthday gift. As we walked through the store She would lead me from one thing to the next. She choose two books, and a new DVD. She also picked out hot wheel cars for her brothers and Sarah, and she got Nicole a science DVD. She bought a chocolate cake, and candy too. She was very calm and happy to shop. She was not greedy. The things she bought for her siblings where really from her. I wish I could describe what a beautiful person she really is. I'm grateful God choose to give her to us. God gave me the gift of mercy and compassion wrapped up in my first born child. Any crown I earn in heaven would need to be credited to her account. I guess you could say she is my heart.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Home sweet home

We stood in traffic most of the way. The trip home was long and I want to kiss the ground! It's great to be home!Jessica turns 16 tomorrow, I teach sunday school on sunday, and school starts on Monday so It will be a ful weekend. Thank you for following our trip to Holland!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Some last minute bowling and mini golf

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keukenhof isn't openned

I just read that Keukenhof is only openned from March until May! Oh well!

Sea Lions

I took Jessica, Nicole and Sarah to see the sea lions today. Sarah cried when I took her from her papa, but she ended up having a great time with the girls. Thomas was sick this morning. I guess the heavy wind and wet weather caught up to him. He has slept all morning. Juergen took Sarah and Philip to swim one last time. We leave tomorrow. Jessica was just getting use to the place! Any way, I'm glad I dragged her out of the house for a few hours! We may get to stop and see Keukenhof gardens on the way home. They have wonderful green houses, and I want to buy some tulip bulbs! I took my parents there one time in the spring to see the tulips. It was wonderful! We have really loved Texel and hope to come back again...next time for two weeks!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

A night walk on the beach with Nicole



Thomas turns 10

Thomas

Today is the 10Th birthday of Thomas. I wrote a post last night saying he isn't treating me very well lately. I slept on it, and decided not to keep the post on my blog. It was too much of a self pity post! I think the real problem is Thomas. He treats others in a mean way because this is how he is treated...not at home but at school. He is sad and feels rejected. I'm the one who gets that rejection from him. It hurts. I love him and I'm really sad he isn't that happy. I don't want self pity. I really want prayer for Thomas. Please pray that God would establish him in a school he can really thrive in. Pray for a best friend for my son Thomas. He has no close friends and he isn't very happy. I hope we can give him a wonderful birthday. I'm sure we can make it special.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Beach photos

on the cold beach




A note to My Parents



Hi Mom and Dad. I loaded the best photos on my flicker account. You can find this at the bottom of the sidebar. You can see the still photos there. We love you! Greetings from Holland!
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This morning we were sitting at the breakfast table. Juergen, who lived in Holland until he was 11 years old was really enjoying the raisin toast with chocolate sprinkles on it. I said it's because it reminds him of his childhood just like I love Mexican food. Nicole who is getting to be very clever chipped in, "and McDonalds reminds me of my childhood"! Sad but true!
The weather has turned very cold and stormy. The sky has cleared a little, so Juergen took everyone but Jessica to the beach. So far Jessica still doesn't want to join the family. I think I'm going to drag her to the swimming pool today. Knowing Jessica, she will start joining the family on Friday just in time for us to go home! We really should have made this a two week vacation. You live and learn!
There are still so many cool things for us to try here. We need to get busy, and maybe even plan to come back. I like it here very much!

Monday, September 03, 2007

Market day

Today we went to the main town of Texel, Den Berg. They had a large street market and sheep judging contest. Jessica liked the shopping but got pretty stressed out by all the people. I thought the sheep were not very pretty. I guess they were judged on other qualities like the wool? We also bought Sarah some wooden shoes. Juergen and I will take the kids swimming later. The weather hasn't been very good. It is over cast and rainy. I feel like sleeping. If the kids would just let us sleep...this would be a very relaxing vacation!




A walk on the beach with Nicole

Sunday, September 02, 2007

The Little Holland day 3

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We are starting to unwind, thank God! It is very peaceful here. I'm so sorry we only booked it for one week and not two. It is all going by so fast! We are keeping busy flying kites on the beach, jumping on the trampoline, playing on the playgrounds (both inside and outside). We met a German couple with two adopted girls from South Africa. We will try to meet up with them tomorrow at a playground. Jessica is still staying in here room. We are going to drag her out to visit a sheep market on Monday. Texel has 1300 people, and 1500 sheep. 500 of the islands "Best" sheep will be in the market square of the main town for an annual sheep competition.






for my parents



My parents can not view the slide shows because they have a slow connection. So Mom & Dad here is a photo for you. Just click on the photo to see it larger. I love you!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Day 2 in Texel

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The house and stuff




The little house we have rented is very nice. It has a living room and dinning area, and a little kitchen,3 bedrooms, a bath room as well as a private garden. We are on a small island called Texel. Texel is known as the little Holland. We have cable TV. I am watching a garden program in Dutch. I hope to see some green houses and a good garden while we are here. Juergen grew up in Holland until he was 11 years old. We love the yogurt and cheese, as well as the chocolate for the bread. video

brats are us


It's quite here in our vacation house. Juergen has gone to the indoor pool with Philip, Thomas, Sarah, and Nicole. I imagine we will be able to take Jessica in a day or two. She needs to adjust to being here first. I'm happy for the space. The kids have been home from school for 5 weeks. They have mostly been good. This past week they have not been very good. Some how they have gotten stuck in the "Mom, he did this", "Mom, he did that" mode. They have not been helpful in getting ready to come. They have basically out done each other in getting into trouble (the boys and Sarah). I guess the anticipation of the trip, the uncertainty and excitement has brought out the worst in them. I happen to be the one who gets the majority of the brat behavior, although Nicole and Juergen also receive a good dose. They were the same this morning. It finally broke me. I'm sure Sarah's rejection last night, and my over tiredness added to the mix. I started to cry. There are so many wonderful things I would love to do on this trip. Many wonderful things I would love to give to my children. It just is not in me to reward a brat. I am not sure how we can put a stop to it. We have had two very firm talks with the boys in the past 24 hours. Juergen is really getting firm with them, it's not just me. I don't want to spend the vacation disciplining my kids. Something has got to change in their attitude. It makes me wonder how God puts up with us. There are probably so many more wonderful and good things He would desire to give to us, His children but instead we force him to continually discipline us for our wrong attitudes and actions. When will we ever learn to behave?

A night mare

It's almost 2:30am. Sarah woke up with a nightmare. I guess that was to be expected. When I went to comfort her she looked at me in fear and screamed for Juergen. It was the same fear she had in Shanghai. I haven't thank God seen it for awhile. I know she will not hate me tomorrow and I have got to find the courage to let this rejection fall off of me. I will try not to panic about our up coming trip to the USA when papa will not be there to comfort her. It takes courage to look into the eyes of your child when they hate you. Courage to wait and build for a future when they can no longer remember the fear. I will probably never forget the pain of this rejection...but it only plays a small role ,totally dominated by the love.