today I'm 50

I got the funniest birthday note on face book. It said welcome to the top of the hill, from there you can see forever. That made me laugh out loud! 50 is a pretty big number. To be honest with you, 30 was much more traumatic. I think the thing that's killing me is I thought I would be wise by now. But I have 2 teenage sons, and raising them makes me feel like an idiot. Oh I need perspective. The thing I've been meditating on in the month or so leading up to this big day is the need to live in the now. To really take the time to taste, smell, and feel totally in the moment. I can not manage to stop the clock, but I can appreciate the treasures of the day. And there really are amazing gifts every single day. The down side to living fully in the now is, each drama my teenage sons play out before me feels far too wearing. So now I realize with them I need to be able to appreciate what is there and trust that God will develop them into men of worth. You appreciate the butterfly, but not the cocoon. Teenagers are messy and pretty self-centered. For them I could use a new perspective. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not seen. Hebrews 11:1. And I realize I'm not going to live forever. But when I see eternity I'm OK about heading down that hill. One day I'm going to go home. My only real goal is to finish the race well.