There were two enemies pulling me down yesterday. One is called the past, the other goes by the name future. The Dr asked us about all of Jessica’s past diagnosis and treatment. That's almost two decades of struggle. These are not mountains I have climbed...and battles I have won. I am still fighting, and still climb. I will most likely fight and climb my whole life. I do not want to look back, I would like to leave it all behind me. I want to shed the past like a heavy coat...I have no interest in dragging those memories around. At least the memories of a 1000 Dr’s appointments and the fear and grief and loss. And the future...it's scary! I have zero interest in figuring that out. I can not tell you what’s ahead, I only know God holds me. But the meetings with the Dr and judge is about Jessica’s future. We need to own the future legally. But it is not something I can deal with...I do not possess the grace. I only have grace for now. The only way to survive autism is to live in the now. So yesterday was plain awful (a quote from the movie Annie). But the sun shines today because today is all I see. I survive autism one day at a time. It is the only way to do this. Do not look back, and don’t look ahead, just keep your eyes fixed on now. Now is beautiful! Today I look directly into the eyes of Jessica. I do not see struggle…I see love.
My niece had a beautiful baby girl named Olivia Rose (Beautiful name). Everyone is very excited and thank God healthy! Congratulations to the whole family! Hugs to my sister Shelley who is now a proud grandma for the 2nd time. My sister Dianna has 6 grand kids (I think). My brother and I are too young for such an blessing. At least our kids are too young. I'm going to have to wait to be called grandma. Here is a cool picture I took off Shelley's blog. It shows Eric (the tired but proud grandpa) Lissa with her first daughter Charlotte, and then a sleeping Olivia Rose. 3 generations in one shot. How fast life goes by! How beautiful life can be!
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