Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I have a choice and I gladly choose my Jessica
I remember reading some great Christian Theologian writing about discipleship. He wrote that a father is very excited about the first steps his child makes, but every father expects his child to grow up. I remember how my parents cried when I graduated from high school, but they expected me to continue to grow. I am doing what I need to do to protect my daughter Jessica. Tomorrow we begin taking her rights away legally (I will always consider her ideas). It is human to grieve a loss of "normal expectations". Many 18 year olds drive, date, and make plans for a career or University. Nicole is 16 and we are already looking at University. In a way legally taking Jessica’s rights away does nothing but maintain the status quo. Still, it hurts to once again reflect on what she may never experience. I love my girl. This morning I sat with her in the living room and watched Beauty and the Beast on Juergens monster flat screen TV. Jessica even played with our dog Mickey, and Philip, Thomas and Sarah also sat with us. It isn't a matter of what I had hoped for, it is really a grief of her future. The normal future she may never have. But I again need to stop rolling in the mud...this day is good and I need to walk in it. God holds tomorrow. I will trust him for the grace to walk. I always get into emotional trouble when I think too much about "should have, would have, could have". Why grieve the future? Today is a very great gift. I am surrounded by love. God has given me so much love. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I have a choice. I could give the state power over Jessica’s life. Many parents gladly place their children in state run group homes. I want my daughter…I choose her. I am doing this to keep her. I have zero doubt about this action…I would fight like a mother lion to keep her. Hopefully that will not be necessary. I just need to allow a medical exam and the judgment of the court. I do not expect any trouble. One of you wrote…do any of us really have a choice? I do have a choice! I choose her! She could have died as a baby (she had 4 heart problems). I’m so glad she lived. Her live matters. I am a normal parent. Any parent would be sad in this situation. But I have a choice and I gladly choose my Jessica.