I see no autism in her eyes

Last night I watched a you tube video about autism awareness. There was a very simple message. A baby was playing (normal baby) and the parents said “we never saw autism in his eyes, we never thought anything could be wrong”. And all of a sudden I was struck by a wave of grief. It knocked me down. I sobbed uncontrollably for 20 mins or more. It was like a post traumatic stress reaction. I thought I was past it. I thought I had cried all my tears. The truth is it was all there…as real as it was when Jessica was 2 and lost her voice. I had done a good job hiding it all away in a room…and locking the door but the door opened up and I was paralyzed by the pain. To be honest, I am going to clean up the mess and lock it all away again. I know its there but I’m powerless to change the past. I can only walk today. My hope is in God who has the power to heal and save. I hope He will heal my beautiful girl (she will turn 19 years old at the end of he summer). Even if He does not heal Jessica I have hope in heaven. There are no tears in heaven and there is no autism. God only gives me the grace to walk today. The past is sad, and paralyzing. I can not bear the weight of it. I do not deny it’s there, but I walk away from it. My hope is found in my God who holds my hand. Nothing can keep me from loving Jessica. She is my joy, and I do not see autism in her eyes…I see perfection!

Comments

chicken coop idea

Why not start with an IBC and cut a hole for the door? You could build closed laying boxes into it, and something for the chickens to roost on. Put some straw or saw dust on the floor. You could add vents to the side for air. If it sat inside a chicken run that you can walk into, the chickens could be safe, dry and happy. I have an extra IBC. Maybe this could be my chicken house? I bet I could even plant the outside of it with mud and grass for extra insulation and good looks.

Reading Kingdom

I am very happy to review the Reading Kingdom. This is an online program that uses a variety of methods to teach reading. I decided to share this product with my adopted granddaughter Ruth. Reading kingdom uses a six skills integrative method Ruth only just began to use the program. She is only 3 years old and cannot use the program without help. But her mom says that she can already recognize words like girl and kids when they are shown on the screen. Sylvia wrote that she loves the repetition of the words in the program . That Ruth is memorizing the words she sees. She will be able to use it for an entire year. But I expect her to become a very good reader. And what a great gift to give to any child! She will have a lifetime love for books. Sylvia also works with teenage mothers in Uganda. And many of these women have never attended school. So she plans to use these ideas to h...

Happy Birthday to Jessica

Today Nicole and I took Jessica shopping. She turns 22 years old tomorrow. She has grown over the past year. She now likes her disabled workshop. And she has begun to learn to write again on the computer. It is a slow process, but maybe she can write independently in the next 5 years. Her teacher is wonderful. We are very blessed to have her help! If I stopped and thought about what Jessica might be doing if she was healthy, it could break my heart. Birthdays should be happy, but when your child is disabled it's always bitter sweet. Bitter because of the milestones that were never met, and sweet because of the person that is still very valuable and wonderful. But I'm sure everyone feels bitter sweet about something in your life. Life is never only sweet. For me it is much better to fix my eyes on what is there and let go of what I hoped for...what every parent hopes for. Jess bought a new book, 3 DVD's and a Fanta. I also took her to McDonalds because that is ...

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