Saturday, September 26, 2009


I am a dreamer. I have always been a dreamer. My poor husband doesn't always know what to make of my dreams. If I express I would like this, or I want to do that it doesn't necessarily need to happen. I am just dreaming out loud. I guess it's just my need to think about things. I take a dream, like a big old house for example off the shelf of my mind, and test it. If it works with everything else I will pursue the dream. If it doesn't work, and I can not make it work I'll just put it back on the shelf. Maybe one day it's going to work. Maybe it's never suppose to work. I can not say. I can only dream. Many of the dreams I've had have already come true. I'm not complaining. I'm just dusting off some old ideas to see if they fit yet. The house thing isn't going to fit. I know it. I can see it in my daughters eyes (Nicole). She doesn't need to open her mouth. I can hear her saying, I like my life and I don't want you to disrupt that. It's complicated when you have kids. You don't want to disrupt them, you want to give them the environment to grow. But I am almost 50 years old. I feel a great need to sort out my dreams. I can not wait 10 years to make some of these things happen. I don't want to live with regret. I'm not going to pursue an old house. Not now. I can not say never. I’m glad Nicole loves her life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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