Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It's a big world after all

I am having trouble calming my mind so I can fall asleep. I guess this is a good thing. I am already getting use to the 9 hour time change. On the one hand I’m thinking what’s the big deal. I’m just going home. I’ve traveled over the “big pond” a dozen times. I’m not afraid to fly. But it is a big deal. It is 14 hours home and 20 hours back. And I can not change that. I can not be here to help Juergen. I can not be here to take care of my kids. They will be 100% out of reach. That makes me feel really nervous. And then there is this awful sadness I feel. I am so happy to go home. My sister Shelley says I’m home sick. She is right I am. I always am. But its so bitter sweet going home because the time is so short. I have days, 10 days. And as much as I look forward to being there I already morn the goodbye. Only God knows when I will be able to go again. It is sometimes awful to live in such a big world, so divided from all those you know and love. The only way I can handle it is to focus. When I’m there I will be there. I will have to trust Juergen can manage everything …and he can. And I will just focus on every precious and wonderful minute I am with my family. I will not take them for granted…I can not. And when I have to say goodbye…I will cry. I’ll cry and then I’ll think about Juergen and the kids and I’ll be ok. I don’t know when I’ll be back again, but God is good and He will make a way.

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