Today is Jessica's 21st birthday. I told her I would take her shopping for her birthday, so she was up at sunrise. Nicole came with me. I took a photo of them together. Jessica is so much shorter then Nicole. How could these 2 be sisters, and Nicole is the "little" sister. Jess bought a stack of books. And she will tear them all. That is so sad, but that is what she does. She got tired very fast (I guess because she got up too early). I also bought her a hair brush with her name on it, some nice smelling shampoo, and a very soft blanket that has zebra strips. I use to get very sad when Jessica had a birthday. She has never had a party with friends. Every birthday was a reminder that she is still 100% dependent. And even things babies can do, like talk and feed themselves, Jess can not do. I use to cry allot about that. But her name means God's gift. And she is a gift. She teaches me that life does not need to be as perfect and normal as you thought to be worth something. Jessica can not do a million things other 21 years olds can do, but we don't waste allot of time thinking about that. Instead I think about what is there. She is kind, lovely and compassionate. She dearly loves to laugh (a line from pride and prejudice). She is smart. And I hope she will one day learn to write independently. Then we will see the thoughts and feeling that are there. We just have not gained access to those thoughts yet. Anyway, happy birthday to my oldest daughter. One day in heaven we will sit together with your Oma Heymann and eat lunch. You will do all the talking. 
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