Thursday, April 12, 2012

I did not want to be here

Everyone finds them selves in a place where they did not want to go. For some people it's a divorce court, or bankruptcy court. Others find themselves in a hospital room saying goodbye to a friend who dies too early. Juergen and I have been trying to sell our house for an entire year. It's been hard. Dealing with dozens of strangers. Many of them so rude and insulting. Most trying to find anything and everything wrong with the house, hoping we would sell at ridicules prices. Almost every single week it has been like placing myself in a situation where I could be treated like a victim. It's a buyers market. That's all there is to it. We treated the seller of our house with respect. We gave them what they had asked. We did not criticize or complain about the extensive renovation we would need to do. We wanted the house, and we were grateful to have it. I guess it was asking too much to find a renter or buyer who treated us the same way. I'm so tired from this process. Today I went to Leimen and started to strip wall paper in Nicole's old bedroom. Juergen had put up new wall paper in the room, but it didn't turn out very nice. So we feel like we need to do it again. We also dropped the rental price. It all hurts. I just want to see this whole drama end. Sure, this is not a death, or a divorce. It's just a house. But it drags on and on. It robs us of time and allot of money. It makes us question where we went wrong? We are trying to remain faithful, to trust, to persevere. I did not want to be in Leimen stripping wall paper...but I was there. And so I worked and prayed. And I will keep on waiting for the answer. I'll keep trusting God for his provision. I think it would be so much easier if I knew how long I needed to wait. If I had a map that said do XYand Z, and then wait for this period of time. If I knew we where just days from the answer. But I don't have a map, I am blind. Faithfulness is all I have...not my faithfulness, Gods. I remembered an old song today. "He didn't lead us this far to leave us, He didn't teach us to swim to let us drown, He didn't build His home in us to move away, He didn't lift us up to let us down". I'm so tired...but I know who I believe in, and I know that He is faithful. So I will hang in there! Eventually we will find our answer. And I think God for his answer!

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