day 12 I thank God I have been so blessed.

Last night Juergen and I were talking about his mom. Jessica was in the room but we did not realize she was listening to us. All of a sudden she sits up and begins to cry. I think she realized her dearly loved Oma was dying. She would not receive comfort. I had to let her go cry for awhile, and then hold her for an hour before she could fall asleep.
This morning I was looking at the candles on the table. I looked also at the cute paper chains the kids made yesterday, and the advent calendar I hung up for Juergen. It will be Sarah's first Christmas and I would like it to be special for her. It's hard. I do not feel like a festival of lights and joy. I want to put on sack cloth and rub my face with ashes. I remember when Jessica first got sick with autism. I wanted to sit on the sofa and cry all day. This began to affect Nicole. It really made her feel afraid. I had to be careful, and control my emotions around her. I had to cry only during the nap times. Then I found myself crying so much, I was lying in a puddle of my own tears. One thing that brings me comfort right now is the knowledge that you never feel loss for what you never had. Some people leave tiny foot prints in your life, Juergens mom will leave a very deep hole. It hurts because we were all very blessed. I thank God I have been so blessed.

Comments

chicken coop idea

Why not start with an IBC and cut a hole for the door? You could build closed laying boxes into it, and something for the chickens to roost on. Put some straw or saw dust on the floor. You could add vents to the side for air. If it sat inside a chicken run that you can walk into, the chickens could be safe, dry and happy. I have an extra IBC. Maybe this could be my chicken house? I bet I could even plant the outside of it with mud and grass for extra insulation and good looks.

Reading Kingdom

I am very happy to review the Reading Kingdom. This is an online program that uses a variety of methods to teach reading. I decided to share this product with my adopted granddaughter Ruth. Reading kingdom uses a six skills integrative method Ruth only just began to use the program. She is only 3 years old and cannot use the program without help. But her mom says that she can already recognize words like girl and kids when they are shown on the screen. Sylvia wrote that she loves the repetition of the words in the program . That Ruth is memorizing the words she sees. She will be able to use it for an entire year. But I expect her to become a very good reader. And what a great gift to give to any child! She will have a lifetime love for books. Sylvia also works with teenage mothers in Uganda. And many of these women have never attended school. So she plans to use these ideas to h...

Happy Birthday to Jessica

Today Nicole and I took Jessica shopping. She turns 22 years old tomorrow. She has grown over the past year. She now likes her disabled workshop. And she has begun to learn to write again on the computer. It is a slow process, but maybe she can write independently in the next 5 years. Her teacher is wonderful. We are very blessed to have her help! If I stopped and thought about what Jessica might be doing if she was healthy, it could break my heart. Birthdays should be happy, but when your child is disabled it's always bitter sweet. Bitter because of the milestones that were never met, and sweet because of the person that is still very valuable and wonderful. But I'm sure everyone feels bitter sweet about something in your life. Life is never only sweet. For me it is much better to fix my eyes on what is there and let go of what I hoped for...what every parent hopes for. Jess bought a new book, 3 DVD's and a Fanta. I also took her to McDonalds because that is ...

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