The Heymann Family Journal

I guess if you read the past 30 days of posts they are not really what most people would expect if one was to give thanks for things. I do thank God for my home, family, friends and all the good gifts He has given me. I'm in a point of transition in my life. My mother in law is dying. This I guess makes me really think about what direction I want the last 20 or so years of my life to take. I can not say I'm sorry with the way it has already gone (my life that is). I've had a very interesting and blessed life. Still, I'm inching up on the big 50Th birthday (I just turned 46) and it makes me think I've really got to set in motion any and all real changes I'm going to want to take before I just wake up and realize my life is over. It does fly by so fast! What does that mean? I could not tell you. I only know I'm going to fix my direction and I'm thinking allot about where I want to end up, and how I plan to get there! The good thing is Juergen fe...

Today I am thanking God for potato's. I'm fasting meat and I've been so hungry for protein. Nicole told me potato's have protein. I baked some potato's and eat them warm and plain. To me they tasted like heaven! I don't really know if they have protein, but they hit the spot! The fast has made me very creative. I am full of creative energy. I'm applying that energy to one of my favorite passions...adoption. my first adoption slide show has been a real hit, and I just finished my 2ND slide show. I will probably be loading it to you tube tonight or tomorrow. I feel a fire really burning in my heart. I praise God for this energy...even if it did cost me my chocolate!

My oh my, it's already the end of the month! I'm still fasting and I am Thanking God the time is flying by. I would just love to eat a steak!

This video is for Nicole. It's about African oil crops. Nicole is interested in Agricultural science.

Well the day is nearly over and I am just getting around to posting this. I've been pretty shaken up today. Sarah has a friend in the kindergarten. She had this little boy over to play last week. The mother of this boy told me today that she has been beaten by her husband. If fact it's been happening for a long time. He put her in the hospital this weekend. She is now living in a women's safe house. She will probably be moving soon. You know stuff like this happens, but I don't often look into the scared eyes of someone who has had to leave everything...and just run away with her kids. What a rotten world! I'm so grateful for the husband God has blessed me with. I'm also glad I took the time to meet this women. It was actually Nicole that met her first. She just walked with her and her kids at the Saint Martians day lantern festival. Nicole is so compassionate and loving. I hope I can help her, I gave her my number and told her I am here. I think it's her pl...

Is it already the end of the month? Wow! Where did the time go? I have Sarah in my lap as I type this. She had swimming today and is very tired. I saw a house in another town I want to look at (crazy). I find it very beautiful and near friends that seem like family to me. I think the older I get the more I feel the need for family. If I can not live near family, I want my closest friends near me. As it is, I only see my friends a few times per year. I can not tell if it's the house I am interested in or just closer friends...old friends. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I'm going to look at a house on Friday. I'm sure Juergen will pull a veto on buying a new house. So it's just looking, and trying to figure out the whole need to be more connected. Today I thank God He really does hold my future in his hands, and can give us wisdom about every thing (big and small). It really hard sometimes to tell if these are my desires, or the desires God is planting...

Today I got to help Philip and Thomas in their AWANA group. They do a great job helping the kids learn about God and the Bible. I really enjoyed my time. I'm sure I'll be helping more often. I'm also making an adoption Christmas slide show. I should be finished with it today. I just started making it yesterday, but the response from adoptive parents has been great and I am almost finished. It will be posted on our adoption blog , and youtube. Nicole and I are hoping to travel to Mexico next summer to build a house for a poor family. Nicole has been very busy earning the money to pay for her own flight and expenses. We also hope to raise $5000 to pay for the building materials for one house. If you would like to help pay for a house for a poor family in Mexico then you can do that by using the paypal donation on the side bar. All the money will go towards building materials. If you would like to read more about the Mexican trips, or join a team look HERE . Toda...

I'm still fasting meat,fat, and sweets. I am finding it harder and harder to fast. I have to cook for the family, and everything smells so good. Christmas seems a million years away! Oh well! I do feel my creative self coming out! I painted with the kids today. I'm making an adoption video that's going to be posted to you tube when it's finished (God willing). I use to be a creative person. I thank God I'm finding my creative self again.

I just ordered the book The Complete Idiot's Guide to Acupuncture and Acupressure, and also , A Kid Just Like Me: A Father and Son Overcome the Challenges of ADD. I think Philip is ADD/AD. Someone wrote me about the book A Kid Just Like Me. I've read that Acupunture is a very good treatment for ADD/AD and autism. Somehow I need to get Philip and Jessica back into acupunture. We will figure this out.

Philip had an MRI today. I thank God he doesn't have a brain tumor. I'm so tired. I didn't sleep last night. I should not allow fear to rob me of my peace. I day dream of going to Thailand. It is so cold and dark here. I know 3 months of sunshine and sea air would be so good for Jessica and me. I wish I could just go away. I even looked at Chinese medical clinics that do Acupuncture Therapy. I could not take the kids out of school. They do tongue acupuncture in Thailand. I know that sounds just awful, but it has good effect on autistic people. Jessica had normal acupuncture for awhile but it's very expensive here in Germany. Also, Germany does not have the good sunshine that seems to do a world of good for Jessica. I would love to take Philip and Jessica to Thailand for some treatment. There is no way this is happening...but it's what I'm dreaming of. I feel like it would really help them both to take long walks on the beach, play hours in the wa...

Here is Nicole working on some pictures that will go in Juergen's advent calender. We have 5 kids and each will contribute 5 pictures each.

It's the oddest day of the year if you are an American living in a foreign country. You know in your mind it's a major holiday back home, but it's just the same old same old here. After all, Thanksgiving is all about the pilgrims and Indians. Why should Germans care about that? So I am going to bake pumpkin pie with my kids even if I can not eat it. I'm going to cook turkey soup that has potatoes and corn in it. They won't get all the traditional stuff, but some of the traditional flavors. There won't be foot ball games, or Uncles, Aunts and grandparents. My kids have homework, swimming lessons, and drum lessons today. It is like living in a different planet, while I know that today is so special over there! I thank God for the Thanksgivings past. For the black olives, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, and deviled eggs. I thank God for the love I have shared with my family, and the love my own children experience in different but special ways...

My fast is still going good. Juergen brought home some Turkish food last night. Boy did it smell good, but I didn't taste it. I can not say God is really teaching me anything specific. I guess the best thing I can say is I'm generally encouraged. I was feeling depressed before I started the fast. I'm sad about Juergens mom, but generally I'm pretty encouraged. I'm not sure how much food has to do with moods, but maybe it does make a difference to fast. Thank God I'm feeling good! We don't walk by feelings but they do have a strong effect on our lives.

It was a long day so far. I took Philip and Sarah for a doctor’s visit. Both had to have shots. Philip had to get his blood drawn. I have a pile of visits from specialists to go to. We are trying to figure out why Philip can not learn. I'm having a battle with Thomas over homework. It took him hours to finish his homework today. He basically plays Lego instead. I told him I may need to get rid of the Lego. I don't really want to do that. He already lost his TV & computer time this week. The weather is very cold outside. He would really have a hard time (and so would I) if he lost his Lego. Both boys are going through a challenging time right now. If it's only going to get worse I don't want to know. We did get the homework done before Papa got home, so the Lego is safe for now. I thank God for the end to a very long day! I thank God for the grace to get it done. I thank God most days are much nicer then this!

I took Philip, Thomas, and Sarah to see the dentist today. They all had cavities. I also need to take Philip and Thomas to the orthodontist. They will both need braces soon. On the way home the boys were running ahead. They crossed the street, and I had to grab Sarah before she got hit by an approaching car. She was mad at me, because I had held her. She pulled her glove off and gave me the finger. Then she said the "F" word at me. I was shocked. She did not learn this from me. I would wish she learned it at school, but I know it was her brothers who taught my sweet 4 year old this vial behavior. I was so mad! I took away the kids TV and computer time for a whole week. I'm still shocked and it's 3 hours later. I guess I'm glad to know what the boys are saying to each other. They don't talk like this around me. They do learn this at school. I can not control what they learn at school, but I can try to teach them what is right and wrong at home...

I'm very tired both physically and emotionally. It took me 6 hours in very heavy traffic to drive home. I had an amazing time. I was crying nearly the entire way there. I felt so small and completely with out a clue of what I would say, or what I could do. It seems like that powerlessness is a pretty normal way to feel when someone you love is dying. I prayed the entire way to Juergen's parent’s house. It was so amazing, the peace and joy God gave me as I arrived there. I spent a wonderful day sitting with Waltrud. She was very awake. She could not speak, but you could tell she understands most everything you say. Jessica, my 16 year old autistic daughter also can not speak. It seemed very easy for me to communicate with Waltrud. I also observed many small things that could be done to make her situation a little better. Like I said, you just want power to help...that is what we all want. We had a really good time together. She even wrote a very short letter to J...

I'm actually posting this a day early. God willing I will be driving 5 hours North to Juergen's parents house. I hope to spend the weekend with His parents. I know that if God doesn't heal my mother in law(MIL) this will probably be my goodbye visit. I guess courage is what I need to make this visit. I have no real word from God about Waltrud. I'm really praying to hear Gods word on this subject. I keep praying for her to be healed. I know most everyone else is just trying to prepare themselves for her death. I will accept that if I really know it's the will of God. Until the time he gives me the peace to stop praying...I'm just going to keep praying. It's very true we all must die, and sickness is a very big part of this fallen world (believe me I understand this...my first born child has autism). Still, what is even more true to me is the goodness of God, and his very real power to heal. Even if I do not see his power to heal, I believe it is r...

Let me see your hands...how many of you like winter? Not me! The country is covered in a heavy frost. I'm going to need to scrap the ice off my car windows if I want to go anywhere. There isn't any food in the house. This does not bother me much, but the kids will notice if they don't get lunch. Oh, a house on the beach in Thailand would be such a dream! Today I thank God I have a house, a warm coat, warm shoes, and a car. I am not happy about the weather, but I am so grateful for the protection I have from the cold. I did good on my first day of fasting. I felt very tired. I even fell asleep on the sofa for about a half hour yesterday after noon. Last night I slept like a rock. I think better sleep maybe a side effect of this fast. If you just can not give up sugar right now, try giving up TV or something else that drains your time. Read your Bible and make extra time to pray. And pray like a child. Don't try to negotiate a deal with God, or tell him t...

Today I am beginning my 40 day fast. Normally when you fast, you don't announce it to the whole world. I don't want to seem overly religious with this fast. I guess I am writing it down as a way of teaching about this spiritual discipline and also for some extra accountability. I need the accountability, 40 days is a long time to be "good". I'm not doing a total fast (I have 5 kids and I am not crazy...I need to be able to function). I am not going to eat sugar, chocolate, meat, or fat and wine. I actually don't drink so the wine is just on the list for those who do drink. I can eat bread, fruit and vegetables. I can eat eggs,milk, plain yogurt and tee. I am also allowing myself to continue to drink my two cups of morning coffee. I know in a few days I will probably give up coffee anyway, but I'm telling myself It is OK to have it if I really want it. After a few days of fasting coffee probably won't taste good to me, I just know that. Th...

Today I want to thank God for my good friend Inkeri. She stopped by this morning to bring me a gift (tee and chocolate). I will eat the chocolate today because I begin my 40 day fast tomorrow. I told her how sad I was about Juergens mom. We remembered a good friend of ours who died far to early (she was only 39 years old I think). Inkeri felt like she should go see this friend but she really did not want to. It was so hard. After cleaning her whole house and anything else she could think of she went to see our friend. She said that it was in a way good. When a person is dying heaven is very near. You can feel it. It is very good not to always be thinking of this world, but to also have a mind towards heaven. After the visit, she felt a strange peace. I will be going to see Juergen's mom this weekend (God willing). I do not look forward to saying good bye. What Inkeri had to say helps me. The chocolate also helps! Thank God for good friends!

Today I was thinking of our time in China. We traveled to China last April to adopt Sarah. When we were there we had to exchange our money (Euro) into Chinese money (Yuan). The problem came when we needed to return home. I had a pocket full of Yuan and I knew I would not be able to change the money back into Euro. There are too many problems with counterfeit Yuan. European banks will not exchange Chinese money. So at the airport I gave my taxi driver a big tip. I also bought an over priced tea set at the airport. It didn't matter to me. I either used the money, or would have it sitting in my desk useless! God gives us all gifts and talents. We can not use these gifts in heaven. It is all worthless in that other country. Now is the time we must all use what we have...even if it means over tipping a cab driver. I love what Erma Bombeck wrote, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope I haven't got a single bit of talent left and could say ...

Last night Juergen and I were talking about his mom. Jessica was in the room but we did not realize she was listening to us. All of a sudden she sits up and begins to cry. I think she realized her dearly loved Oma was dying. She would not receive comfort. I had to let her go cry for awhile, and then hold her for an hour before she could fall asleep. This morning I was looking at the candles on the table. I looked also at the cute paper chains the kids made yesterday, and the advent calendar I hung up for Juergen. It will be Sarah's first Christmas and I would like it to be special for her. It's hard. I do not feel like a festival of lights and joy. I want to put on sack cloth and rub my face with ashes. I remember when Jessica first got sick with autism. I wanted to sit on the sofa and cry all day. This began to affect Nicole. It really made her feel afraid. I had to be careful, and control my emotions around her. I had to cry only during the nap times. Then I ...

I've had it in my heart to fast for 40 days. Have you ever heard of a Nativity Fast ? This is a 40 day fast just before Christmas (Nov.15-Dec 24). It is not a total fast, just no meat, wine, sweets, eggs, or oil. I guess that leaves plain bread, fruits and vegtables. I think I would like to try this. Anyone want to fast with me? Leave me a comment. I have a heavey heart because Juergen's mom is sick. I don't think it will be so hard right now to do this. I think I will be turning down all the Christmas parties. I guess it will also save me from the 8 pound weight gain most people have from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Germany doesn't have the Thanksgiving feast Americans have. I guess that would be something to consider in the USA?

Today I want to thank God of the simple hours I spend with my kids doing art projects. For example this afternoon we made paper chains, and drew pictures for Juergens advent calendar. It was nice to have all of them sitting around one table creating good things for someone else. It doesn't happen everyday, but I love when it happens

My mom sent me these 2 links, information on helping people who are caring for the dying. Juergen's mom is slipping away very fast. I would like to trust for her healing, but I need to accept her dying. It has a very strong effect on the whole family. The grief is so real and increases as her condition continues to get worse. I hope that some of you will please hold the Heymann family up in prayer. It affects all of us, but especially Juergen’s dad Richard and his brother Wolfgang. I say Wolfgang because he lives right there and unfortunately needs to carry a great deal of the burden involved in arranging for his mom’s care. We are all very sad at the thought of losing her, but Wolfgang has the added burden of details. I'm sure it is all overwhelming. We need Gods grace. Link one Link two

It is very cold and dark out side. There is a storm hitting Germany. We will get a cold rain today, other places will get snow. Juergen drove to his parent’s house this morning. His siblings are all spending weeks at a time with their mom. Juergen so far has only spent a few weekends. That must not seem like much to the sibs, but to our family it's been a great sacrifice. I think Juergen will be spending Christmas and New Years with his parents. It's really all the time he has, work is so stressful. This whole process of losing Juergen’s mom is very hard on everyone. I don't really think it's the time that is hard; it's the loss of her. It is like a cold dark storm hitting the land. It is really very bitter. But I thank God today for the hope that rests very deep in my heart. I love Juergen, and his whole family. I pray God holds them all up. I pray they can serve both of Juergen’s parents in this very hard time. I thank God for the hope I have that...

Today I want to Thank God for Sarah’s Kindergarten place. I started looking for a kindergarten for Sarah a little late. All the places seemed to be taken. I put our names on a list at the school I wanted her to go to. It was a small kindergarten in our neighborhood. There are only two small groups in the school. Very personal, very nice. It looked like we would need to wait until next fall for a place in the school. Sarah did not want to wait. When all the others began school this fall, she cried to go too. I walked over to the "other" kindergarten. The big and impersonal one. The one Philip went to for a very short time. I didn't like it then. I wanted something better for Sarah. The interview went wonderfully. I thought they got a new director because everything seemed so much nicer, warmer, and friendlier. Sarah loved it. So we signed her up. She goes very happily every day. Today I thank God I was willing to look again.

Today I want to thank God for His Holy Spirit. Juergen and I prayed together last night for his mom, and dad and the whole family. His mom continues to grow weaker and weaker. It causes us so much sadness and grief. I can not imagine how hard it is for Juergens dad (Richard). He is an old man. He should be taking naps, and having his wife (who is 9 years younger) fixing him lunch. Instead he has to feed her (that is the simple part). The hard part is watching the amazing wonderful women die. She can know longer sit up in bed. She can hardly speak. Most of the time, she does not even respond to your words. I think it must be very hard to be there, and watch the women you love slip away. I know he is very sad. I also know that it is the Spirit of God that can comfort us when we are over come with grief. The Holy Spirit can cover us all with peace in this very hard time. Jesus said he would not leave us as orphans, but he would send us a comforter. I am very grateful for my...

Today I want to thank God for the miracle of adoption. As many of you know adoption is a very big part of my life. When I was 12 years old I asked Jesus to come into my life and be my Savior. I believe it was at this time I was "born again" spiritually. The Bible says I became a child of God. I guess all of us are children of God. Some of us are lost, others have found a way home (the way home is through Jesus, he is the door to God). I was in one sense adopted spiritually into one big family. I've felt adopted too. I have brothers and sisters all over the world. People, who also know our Father, people who share the same hope & love. My heavenly Father has also instructed me. He cared about my character. He wanted me to share his heart. Juergen and I have adopted 3 children, Philip, Thomas, and Sarah. It has been such a great honor to be their parent. Sure it is allot of work at times. All children are work. To me it feels like being the Fairy God Moth...

Today I was sitting on the sofa in my living room under the orange hand crochet blanket my mom made for Jessica and I decided I should thank God for orange stuff. It is fall, and it just would not seem so warm and wonderful without orange. I love the red and orange leaves that cover the trees on the mountains near our home. I love the warm orange candles that are all over our house. I love pumpkin soup and pumpkin pie. I love to stare at the orange fish in my fish tank; it sort of makes up for not having a fireplace. I love the fresh oranges that flood the market this time of year. I could go on and on. Orange isn’t my favorite color, but Fall is my favorite season. Fall just would not be fall without all the wonderful warm orange stuff. I thank God for his warmth and his love. "Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give yo...

Today I want to thank God for my friend Cindy. We met about 20+ years ago in Minnesota. She has always been the one who can make me laugh. I also love that she is a really serious Christian. We can talk about the "deep things of God". Last night we talked on the phone for about an hour. We talked about healing. Juergen mom is very sick. The Dr.'s are starting to say she only has a few months. Juergen will visit her again in the North of Germany this weekend. I want Juergen to see her as much as he can, so I'm not complaining. Still, it is stressful having him gone every other weekend. It is also stressful thinking about losing her. I believe God heals, but I know he does not always heal. It is a challenge to my faith to keep praying for a miracle, and still prepare to say goodbye. I can talk to Cindy about this. She isn't going to give me some simple answer. She also struggles with trying to understand this "healing thing". I wish she d...

Today I thank God for His word (the Bible). Philip, Thomas and Sarah worked on their scripture memory verses for AWANA. They do not have much faith in God (yet). I am hoping that in time faith will grow as they plant the word in their hearts and minds. It has made a very big difference over the past two weeks as we have made a real strong effort to help the boys learn their verses. Before they showed no motivation, and we did not push it. Thomas especially never wanted to go to AWANA. Then we made a strong effort to help them learn those verses. Now Thomas wants to go to church. I think he was just ashamed of not knowing his verses. I love it that they all want to go to church. I pray they really walk into faith...that they find themselves believing in God when before they did not. The word of God is a seed planted...in time it will reap a harvest!

I'm sitting accross my desk from my 2nd daughter Nicole. I could not thank God enough for this wonderful person! She is such a gift and I thank God for her kind and loving heart.

I am going to join in 30 days of thanks . How about you? Nov. 1- I thank God for my husband who took an extra day off. We have a 4 day weekend! We are only working around the house but it feels so good to get things done! Nov. 2- I'm thanking God today that Sarah is German. Read my blog post HERE .