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The blank page

I've spent so much of the past year, and much of 2006 just rushing. I had my heart and mind fixed of adopting Sarah. First it was the paper work, then the wait, the trip, the really hard adjustment, then the trip to the USA. Sarah is finally settling in. She goes to kindergarten. I have most of my mornings free again. I had quit most everything for a season. My schedule is very empty. I'm asking myself what next? There are many ways I could fill up the hours. I could just get busy again. I really do not want to do that. I feel like I'm at a cross road. I am so hungry for God. I don't even want to see people...I just want to be alone. I want God to tell me what is next. I turn 46 years old on Sunday. That isn't super old, but it isn't young either. I heard in the Psalms last night that a normal person has 70 years, maybe 80. I think realistically I've got only 20-30 years of good influence left the Lord willing (I can not be sure of one more day). That isn't very much time. I do not want to just stay busy and see the years fly by. I want my days to matter. And so I will wait on God to direct me, I give him the blank page that is before me now. I do not know what is next! Juergen told me last night "If you officially hand your life over to God (the rest of the time you have) you can be relaxed about what He is going to do with it" Juergen is getting pretty wise in his old age. I've got to remind myself to listen to him more!

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