I remember when Jessica was born. I guess when you have a baby you can only imagine their lives as being good. It has been good, but it's also been very hard. I'm grateful God doesn't generally tell us what the future holds. Most of us, including myself could never carry the weight of tomorrow. I can hardly believe Juergen and I handle Jessica's autism the way that we do. I've never had a conversation with Jessica, not once in 16 years. For me this is the deepest loss that I feel in my life. I think being able to talk with her makes me look forward to heaven even more. Today I took Jessica shopping. She knew ahead of time this would be her birthday gift. As we walked through the store She would lead me from one thing to the next. She choose two books, and a new DVD. She also picked out hot wheel cars for her brothers and Sarah, and she got Nicole a science DVD. She bought a chocolate cake, and candy too. She was very calm and happy to shop. She was not greedy. The things she bought for her siblings where really from her. I wish I could describe what a beautiful person she really is. I'm grateful God choose to give her to us. God gave me the gift of mercy and compassion wrapped up in my first born child. Any crown I earn in heaven would need to be credited to her account. I guess you could say she is my heart.
Comments