The Heymann Family Journal

I'm charging the camera batteries. I hope to get a photo of the kids. Their costumes were nothing all that special. I painted Sarah's face like Lion, Thomas dressed like a secret agent with the head phone and dark glasses, and Philip wore a Darth Vader mask. I spent an hour raking up leaves in my front yard, and lighting the path with a dozen or more candles. Juergen said our house looked the most welcoming on the block. I wanted that. Juergen took the kids trick or treating. Most people never bothered to open the door. SAD!!! I light my path so the kids would know they were welcome here. I made sure we had loads of candy. I didn't want to run out. But now my head hurts from the cold air and the dog barking. The kids are now answering the door. Happy Halloween everyone. Even if you don't like monsters, bless the children that come your way.

Here are some photos of the kids on halloween in years gone by. We have to come up with some ideas for this year. I am so not ready! BTW. Nicole was only 1 years and 3 months old and Jessica was 3 in this photo.

If you have your own food, you don't rely on government, food prices or hyper inflation. Are these guys crazy? The Bible says they aren't! You need 3 years of food stored, and space and experience growing a garden, and storing food. Do you know how to can food? Do you know how to make compost? Do you have the ability to harvest and store water? Do you know how to keep animals like chickens and rabbits (not just for meat and eggs but for the murmur). Did you know good compost needs animal manure? All this sort of stuff takes time to learn. I am only just beginning to learn how to survive a very uncertain future. I hope I never ever need to use these skills! I hope I just end up growing a 100% organic garden. That in it's self is a very cool hobby! But what if I need to know how to grow food to survive? What if I don't need these skills, but someday my kids do? I've spent the last hour watching you tube videos by survivalists. Man, some of these folks

This video is about the old German farm house. It had room for pigs, chickens and a very large garden. Today I went to see an old German farm house (built in the 1800's). It has a chicken coop and pig pins and rabbit pins. There is even a very large wine cellar. It needs some work but I love it. You can walk to the S-ban station in 5 minutes (that's the fast train). The kids could be in Heidelberg in only 15 minutes. The neighborhood is very nice, much nicer then ours. I have a half dozen friends in the area. I have to take Juergen to see the place next week. I just don't know if we can sell our house, or afford the renovations. It's not a very big house...but big enough. The garden is huge. The storage space is also huge (2 barns). You could do so much with this place (if you had the time and money). I don't have many photos. The battery was dead on my camera. The kids loved it! Sarah is ready to keep rabbits (but they kept rabbits for food on a f

There were two enemies pulling me down yesterday. One is called the past, the other goes by the name future. The Dr asked us about all of Jessica’s past diagnosis and treatment. That's almost two decades of struggle. These are not mountains I have climbed...and battles I have won. I am still fighting, and still climb. I will most likely fight and climb my whole life. I do not want to look back, I would like to leave it all behind me. I want to shed the past like a heavy coat...I have no interest in dragging those memories around. At least the memories of a 1000 Dr’s appointments and the fear and grief and loss. And the future...it's scary! I have zero interest in figuring that out. I can not tell you what’s ahead, I only know God holds me. But the meetings with the Dr and judge is about Jessica’s future. We need to own the future legally. But it is not something I can deal with...I do not possess the grace. I only have grace for now. The only way to survive au

Do you remember the song from the musical "Sound of music"? Rain drops on roses....I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad. This morning the Dr came to interview us, and to evaluate Jessica. She was a very nice Dr. The whole thing went pretty smooth. Juergen had made breakfast before the meeting, and gave me flowers. Philip remembered my birthday. Thomas was so disappointed he wasn't going to toys r us today (he and Philip got into trouble yesterday), he still hasn't said happy birthday. I can not win with him. He is only 12 years old. He breaks my heart some times. I guess the whole world is all about him. That hurts me but maybe he will out grow this selfishness. Anyway, after the Dr left, Juergen went to work. I felt like crawling in a corner to cry. 15 minutes later a very good friend shows up with flowers. I cried when I saw her. God knew what I needed…grace wrapped up in one very thoughtful friend! She stayed a lo

I wanted the kids to clean up there rooms before we have a Dr here tomorrow. Sarah cleaned her room right away. It took her 10 minutes. She even swept the floor. 5 hours later and the boys are still not done. They finally ended up fighting so much I said forget it. Just forget it! Oh, I also said I would take them to toys r us on my birthday. I often buy them something new during vacation time. Anyway, they couldn't manage to finish the job. So Sarah goes to toys r us and they don't. They only played and fought. I even helped them for a half hour. Jess was also a big challenge today. I feel so stressed out...and so defeated. Will they ever grow up to be responsible men? Will they ever manage to keep a job? They are so good at blaming each other. Why do I feel so defeated? I would have been so happy to reward them for a job well done. Sarah gets the reward, and the boys will just hate me!

I remember reading some great Christian Theologian writing about discipleship. He wrote that a father is very excited about the first steps his child makes, but every father expects his child to grow up. I remember how my parents cried when I graduated from high school, but they expected me to continue to grow. I am doing what I need to do to protect my daughter Jessica. Tomorrow we begin taking her rights away legally (I will always consider her ideas). It is human to grieve a loss of "normal expectations". Many 18 year olds drive, date, and make plans for a career or University. Nicole is 16 and we are already looking at University. In a way legally taking Jessica’s rights away does nothing but maintain the status quo. Still, it hurts to once again reflect on what she may never experience. I love my girl. This morning I sat with her in the living room and watched Beauty and the Beast on Juergens monster flat screen TV. Jessica even played with our dog Mickey, an

I had an extra pumpkin so I made pie today. I actually made it without crust. I had a small taste and it's pretty good. Juergen is bringing home some whip cream. The top of the pumpkin was starting to rot (I had it uncut outside). I cut off the bad part and cooked the rest. I didn't have any flour so I made it crust less

My birthday is this week. I turn 48 years old. A Dr comes on my birthday to examine Jessica and declare her permanently disabled and 100% dependant. She turned 18 years old this year. Normally that would make her an adult, able to make her own choices. If we do not strip her of her rights and gain legal custody, she could be a ward of the state. I don't want that to happen. So Weds day we meet the Dr. Later next month we meet a judge. I wish with all my heart she was well, and able to make her own choices. I'm afraid I will be unable to celebrate on wedsday. It will be one of the saddest things I ever have to do. Some things you should not think about. Some tasks should just be done...just do it, and do not think about it! I have no choice, I must just do it. I will celebrate my birthday on Sunday instead. Jessica means gift from God. She will legally become mine until I die. Then she will be Nicole’s. Nicole already knows and accepts this. I'm not sad

Will you get the Swine Flu shot? Juergen says he will get it when it comes out...in about another month. I will not get it. I don't like flu shots because of the mercury they add to the shots. If this was the bird flu, or a really awful flu I would get the shot. So far 1000's of people have died from H1N1 (I’m not saying this is harmless), but so many more die each year from the "normal" flu. I don't want to discourage anyone from getting the shot. If you have risk factors you probably should get it. I hope I don't have to bear any regrets by not getting the shot, or giving the shot to my kids. It's so hard to decide if the flu is a greater risk then the possible side effects from the shot. I get the normal flu pretty much every year (even in the few years I got a flu shot). The kids always manage to get it, and then I get it too. But there are risks to yearly exposure to mercury from annual flu shots. I hope I never get Alzheimer’s or Parkins

Juergen and I finally got our breakfast out (for our anniversary). We found a nice cafe with a breakfast buffet. We were the only ones there. I am very confused about life. I want a bigger garden. I actually do not want to move. I guess I'm not confused about that! Thomas is finally making friends at school, Nicole is in her last two years of school, Jessica may get to stay an extra year in her school (I'll write more about that). We want to be even more involved in church. I could go on and on. The one thing I'm not confused about is I feel good where I am at and I don't want to change that. What I want is a garden. I know I could not protect it if someone wanted to rob my garden, but I think I should stop looking at houses and just try to find a garden to rent or buy. Maybe if I found the perfect house in this area...maybe I would move? But for now I just can not see it! I like my house, my neighbors...I only want a bigger garden! So Jessica’s teacher s

I saw this on a friends blog. I think this is so amazing. Life is very complex but God has it all worked out!

Starting next Monday, a coalition of local groups will run a monthlong advertising campaign in a dozen Manhattan subway stations with the slogan “A Million New Yorkers Are Good Without God. Are You?” I don't think we can be good with out God. Maybe this will cause people to ask that question...can we really be good without God?

I'm worried about my brother who looks like he will get laid off. He is only one of 35 families about to deal with the uncertainty (one of millions that deal with it). I'm so sorry. My niece is also dealing with uncertainty. My sister too. And I think allot about the future. I wonder about food security. I want more land, and more storage space. For me the need is "far off". Today we have food, we have health, we have everything we need. I want to be wise and prepare for uncertain times. I knew I can not control everything. But I pray...Our Father in Heaven, holy is your name, your kingdom come, your will be done... My hope is not in the bank, it is in God. I have walked when I had no car, I have lived years not knowing where my rent was coming from, I have lived with disability, and I know where my help comes from. I am trying not to let fear drive me...I need God to lead me. And more then anything I need to thank God for faithfully taking care of us.

http://www.squarefootgardening.com/

Tomato plants

Here is a web site that has some of the very best information about organic gardening in a small space. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8697597814151629074#

I just got A Tale of Two Cities on audible to listen to with Nicole. It's 14 hours long. I think it's a great book for our times. It is also one of the most important 100 books for high school kids in the US to read. We are slowly getting through the list. She still wants to go to College in America. I am going to miss her when she is gone! "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way" Charles Dickens

I wouldn't call myself a survivalist...not really. I'm sure I will never find a home in some cave, and stock up on guns and freeze dried food. I actually hate guns! On the other hand I believe we are living in the end times. In the end times the Bible says there will be an increase in wars, natural disasters, and food shortages. I believe it's wise to know how to grow your own food, and store that food. I don't want to live so hidden away I have no contact with people. On the other hand we have no land, and no place to store food. Land is more important to me then it ever has been. Some times I think people would consider me crazy for even thinking there could be food shortages. On the one hand I don't want to appear as crazy as the people who stand on street corners with big signs reading repent...the end of the world is at hand. I don't know if the world is ending ...I don't know if disaster will strike soon. Maybe it will and maybe it won'

Emergency Food Storage & Survival Handbook: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Your Family Safe in a Crisis By Peggy Layton (I don't think the world will actually end in 2012, but I do think it's wise to be prepared for disasters. Here is a book I'm going to order to help me on that path). Always Be Prepared What if your life was disrupted by a natural disaster, food or water supply contamination, or any other type of emergency? Do you have the essentials for you and your family? Do you have a plan in the event that your power, telephone, water and food supply are cut off for an extended amount of time? What if there were no medical or pharmaceutical services available for days, weeks, or months? How prepared are you? With this guide by your side, you and your family will learn how to plan, purchase, and store a three-month supply of all the necessities—food, water, fuel, first-aid supplies, clothing, bedding, and more—simply and economically. In other words, this boo

The youth group went to see Miss America 2008 speak in a small church in Karlsruhe. She spoke on what is real beauty. Nicole got her photo taken with her. Who knows? Maybe Nicole might even consider walking that runway for some very good college scholarships? Below is an old video of Nicole doing a beauty commercial (a spoof). I wonder if you can win the Miss America contest wearing Birkenstocks, and not wearing makeup? I can not imagine Nicole in heals...even if I could find any in her size!

Sima Samar, women's rights activist in Afghanistan: "With dogged persistence and at great personal risk, she kept her schools and clinics open in Afghanistan even during the most repressive days of the Taliban regime, whose laws prohibited the education of girls past the age of eight. When the Taliban fell, Samar returned to Kabul and accepted the post of Minister for Women's Affairs." and "Dr. Denis Mukwege: Doctor, founder and head of Panzi Hospital in Bukavu, Democratic Republic of Congo. He has dedicated his life to helping Congolese women and girls who are victims of gang rape and brutal sexual violence." -The Weekly Standard

Chinese dissidents were leading the odds of winning the Nobel Peace Prize this year, the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre and the 60th since the establishment of the People's Republic of China. Hu Jia , a human rights activist and an outspoken critic of the Chinese government, who was sentenced last year to a three-and-a-half-year prison term for "inciting subversion of state power." Another could be Wei Jingsheng , who spent 17 years in Chinese prisons for urging reforms of China's communist system. He now lives in the United States.

Give me a break! This is lame! He hasn't done anything! Now does this complicate things if he wants to send more troops to Afghanistan? Is the Nobel Committee trying to shape US policy? There are brave leaders all over the world who have risked their lives for peace, how can you think Obama can compare to Morgan Changerie for example. Changerie splits power with a dictator in Zimbabwe, he lost his wife. His own life has been at risk and he has been in prison. Please get real! This is a joke!

Jessica refused to go to school today. I guess she is still sick. When I talked with her teacher she said Jessica had a bad day yesterday. She thought Jessica should stay home the rest of the week. While I was making lunch, Jess went up to my room to lay down. I can not smell a thing because of my cold. Her diaper was leaking. So the end of the story includes at least 3 loads of dirty laundry (her bed stuff and mine). Then Sarah comes home with a note saying they have lice again in the school. So I might as well wash Sarah's bed stuff too. Jessica dug into my purse. I had a journal with a hand written note from Juergen mom. I found this note on the hall floor. I almost tossed it out...thinking it was just paper. She wrote the note when she was very sick, and could not talk any more. It says that she will look forward to eating with Jessica one day (I'm guessing in heaven). I believe this was the last thing Waltraud ever wrote. She lost her battle to the tumor 3

Emphsema clinical trial http://www.easetrial.com/

Juergen cancelled his appointment tonight, bought pizza for the kids and now I get to go to bed early. I didn't ask him to do it, he just did. He is just the best!!! Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today! I love my man!!!

I did the shopping. I bought food that's basically heat a serve. Maybe I can get Nicole to make dinner? I also spent 25Euros on cold medicine. I bought a whole pineapple (pre cut) and eat it al by myself. Instant Vit C, and so good!!! On the way home I thought about buying the kids a new Wii game. Maybe Juergen can do that on his way home. He has a meeting at church tonight, but I could still get some rest if the kids had a new game. BTW, I don’t want anyone to think Juergen is a bad husband for not taking time off to care for me. We used all our vacation time to go to Cyprus and Thailand. There just is'nt any time left. As for the meetings, they are all important. I should have picked another week to get sick. I’m not dying…I just feel like it! It’s just a cold, not even the H1N1 flu. It would have been good to get that flu off my list. Here I am wasting all this sickness on a common head cold.

Jessica went back to school today. I'm still sick. I went down stairs and saw the pile of laundry starting to form. I had to do the dishes. I also need to shop because we are running out of food. When Nicole and Jessica got this cold they could sleep all day. I don't even get to go to bed early because Juergen has meetings every night this week. My bad timing! Juergen started to sneeze. If he gets sick, I'll have to take care of the kids alone so he can sleep. You can ask any mom in the world if they think life is fair. My mom use to say "whoever said life is fair"...I'll I can say is "true...true"!!! I guess I had better make a stop at the drug store when I shop. I need some cold medicine to help me get through the day. Let me remind myself…I wanted these kids…I begged for these kids!!! I love my life…yes I do!!! Yes I do!

I heart faces is asking us to tell our story in Photos. Juergen and I have a long story. I will stick to some of the high lights. We met in Germany in June 1989. After a short and expensive(1 1/2 years) long distance romance, we married in San Diego 19 years ago. Jessica came 11 months after our wedding. She was sick, with 4 different heart conditions. After her surgery she was the most beautiful healthy and charming child. I had Nicole two years later. Shortly after Nicole’s birth Jessica was diagnosed at PDD_NOS, a form of autism. We were devastated. We spent years fighting autism, and trying to find that charming girl we once had. Today Jessica is charming but she is still sick. In 2001 we adopted Philip from Thailand. In 2004 we went back to Thailand for Thomas. Then in 2007 we adopted Sarah from China. We have lived in Germany for 13 years. We have a dog, a small house and allot of noise. Still we are never board. We love each other, and it's been

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No breakfast out today. I am sick with Jessica's head cold. Juergen has to go to 3 more parent teacher meetings tonight, tomorrow night and Thursday night. So sad! I love Juergen and even like him after 19 years of marriage. I like him allot!!! I guess that's really all that matters. He let me sleep in, he is so wonderful! So I smell like Vicks vapor rub, and I can not even kiss him because I don’t want him to get sick. I’ll take a rain check.

Tomorrow is my 19th wedding Anniversary. The time has gone by so fast. I could never thank God enough for blessing me with Juergen. He is and always has been the perfect man for me. We were going to go to breakfast tomorrow. Jessica is sick, so I'm not so sure that's going to happen. Maybe it's just going to be pushed back a few days? We will see? The weather is pretty awful here. It's dark and raining. I have been scrubbing the cabinets in my kitchen. They are white and get pretty dirty (with 5 kids you can imagine all the finger prints and spills). I dream allot when I'm on my knees cleaning. I seem to have all my best dreams when I'm busy scrubbing. The ideas come in large amounts and I wonder if I'll every be able do half of the things I dream to do?

Juergen was a sweetheart and took me to look at 2 different gardens today. One was on a hill. It is way over grown, and impossible to get to. The perfect place to grow drugs, if you were into that kind of thing! Know one can reach it. I had a very hard time getting there, let alone trying to haul in equipment to renovate the wild place! It did have a great view! The other garden was too small, but in the very best shape. Now if I could find something larger and close to home! I guess I will keep looking. It was great to go out looking with Juergen. He doesn't feel as passionate about gardens as I do, but he still backs me up. He is the best sort of man for me!

I got some criticism about my blog being too political. I’m not really sure what to think about that. To be honest with you, I am political. I was a class president. I thought about being a lawyer. I love politics. This is my blog, and that should be enough. But there is more. Politics affect peoples lives. Not just any people, but people I personally know and love. For example health care. My mom and Dad are older then me (Duh) and rely on their health care. The issue could make or break them….and I care about that! My brother works for the city, and may get laid off after 20 years of service. Why? The city hasn’t got any money. When people are unemployed they don’t pay taxes. My best friend has been out of work for over a year. A stimulus package that doesn’t stimulate jobs hurts people (people like my best friend). My nephew is in the military. He may get sent to Afghanistan. It bothers me that the commander and chief doesn’t talk to his generals. Iran is build

I'm so glad the 2016 Olympics is going to Brazil! Sorry Obama...no you can not! Now maybe he will think about doing his job. Do you know that trip cost America 1.5 million dollars? He spends 15 hours flying to Europe to ask for the Olympics, but has only talked to his top general one time in 7 months. He has time to be on Letterman, but no time to manage the war? What was he thinking? I know he has a very hard job, but he gives the perception that he cares more about being on TV then being in the board room doing the "hard" work of his office. I think he better get out of the "spot light" and get some stuff done. Really, he really does have a hard job. I hope for America and the world that he stays home, opens his ears to wisdom and sticks to a short list of only the most important things. He tries to do too much. Rio is a very beautiful city, I’m glad they won!

Last night I sat for nearly 3 hours in a kindergarten chair. It was a very long Parent teacher meeting at Sarah's kindergarten. I learned a few important things, but most of what was covered I could have read in 2 minutes. As I looked around the room I saw a half dozen other parents. Many of them anxious about their babies riding the bus for the very first time. All I could think was how much my legs hurt, and that most of these people are young enough to be my biological children (most being about 24 years old, and I'm about to turn 48). I was so tired. I had spent the entire morning at the heart clinic with Nicole. She has a strange shaped valve in her heart. It doesn't cause her any trouble, but we have to keep monitoring it. She is just fine (Thank God). She has zero restrictions. Juergen told me Jessica’s teacher called last night. Jess will be doing two different internships at workshops for disabled people. We thought she had 2 more years of school left