I'm very tired both physically and emotionally. It took me 6 hours in very heavy traffic to drive home. I had an amazing time. I was crying nearly the entire way there. I felt so small and completely with out a clue of what I would say, or what I could do. It seems like that powerlessness is a pretty normal way to feel when someone you love is dying. I prayed the entire way to Juergen's parent’s house. It was so amazing, the peace and joy God gave me as I arrived there. I spent a wonderful day sitting with Waltrud. She was very awake. She could not speak, but you could tell she understands most everything you say. Jessica, my 16 year old autistic daughter also can not speak. It seemed very easy for me to communicate with Waltrud. I also observed many small things that could be done to make her situation a little better. Like I said, you just want power to help...that is what we all want. We had a really good time together. She even wrote a very short letter to Jessica. I saw she could move her hand very well. I got some paper and pens. I let her choose the color of pen she wanted. She chooses orange, Jessica’s favorite color. I had brought an orange flower with me, and told her it was from Jessica. Then I thought she would scribble a picture, but she wrote in German, "Dear Jessica...Your Mama will have dinner with me today". Amazing! Juergen and I had prayed that she would be awake enough to talk to, and she was! I'm hoping to be able to make the trip again in a few weeks. I hope this was not good bye. I don't think it was. I am so grateful to God for his help, wisdom, and peace. I am especially thankful for what I have learned over the past 16 years about loving and respecting someone who can not speak but still has so much to say. Thank God for my Jessica!
BTW, I did manage to stick with my fast. I eat one small bowl of soup that had some meat in it. Richard (Juergens 80 year old dad) had made the soup and I did not want to refuse to eat it. I felt that would not have been the correct thing to do. Other wise, I eat no meat, sugar, or butter.
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