It's funny how one photo can stir so many emotions in a person. I'm looking at old photo's I have of the kids. I want to print a few to put on my bedroom wall. I was doing OK until I saw this photo of Jessica and Nicole. It's one of the only photos I have of them together when Jessica was bigger then Nicole. It's before she had autism. It's when life was "normal" and Jessica was the big sister. Today I went to a birthday party of a friend. Nicole watched Jessica for me. Nicole begins University next month. I have no idea what Jessica will be doing, if she will be allowed to go to the work group? And sometimes that really bothers me. Sometimes her sickness feels so bitter and I want to cry. But I always try to remember that this world is not all that there is. We are all like flowers fading. But everything will be new in heaven. And I know one day I'll know Jessica without autism again. They say there are no tears in heaven, but I'm sure they don't mean the tears of joy. I can not imagine being able to hold back the tears of gratitude I'll have when I finally see Jessica whole.
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